Connection with Howards End
‘Only connect! That was the whole of her sermon. Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer.’
Epigraph, Howards End, EM Forster
A couple of weeks ago I gave a lecture to some teenagers about ‘connection’, centred around the idea that if you don’t engage your heart and your head at the same time when you make a decision or react to something, then you are essentially like one of those pop ups asking you to rate a website before you’ve had time to type ‘industrial strength eye bag cream that actually works’ into the search bar (note: I did not use this exact example because they were teenagers and NOTHING anti-ageing should be touching their faces. If your teen does have anti-wrinkle products, throw them in the bin and give them a good talking to about why TikTok is not the place. Extra note: if you are aware of an industrial strength eye bag cream that actually works, slide into my DMs). These pop ups want a quick reaction, instant validation that the website is doing a good job. They hope that you will just quickly click ‘Loving your work, 5 stars’, ergo minimal work for them- because who wants to deals with dissatisfied people- ew. Just panic them into thinking it’s all great.
My talk developed, focusing on one-click buying and the hideous hellscape of fast fashion (which I have addressed in previous posts) and how by disconnecting our heads and hearts, we do not form a human connection with the people behind the £2.50 dress that we may not even wear once before chucking in the bin. The main crux of my argument was this: you need to align your head and heart as much as possible, because living ‘in fragments’ (ie a world of panic buy clicking) essentially is living in incompleteness. With incompleteness comes voids, and when there are voids it can leave us feeling empty, or insecure, or as if we should be doing better. And how do we fill the void? Quite often by doing things, or buying things, that we feel we should do, rather than actually want to.
The three months leading up to Christmas are a constant onslaught of opportunities to disconnect from real human connection. WHAT? But there was Halloween! Today is Bonfire Night (and the US election *gnaws at fist*)! Also (possibly) Thanksgiving and then ACTUAL CHRISTMAS! THESE ARE ALL ABOUT HUMAN CONNECTION YOU MISERABLE GRINCH MONGER! Why else would I be constantly getting bombarded with ads about all the lewks I am going to serve at the MANY MANY parties I will be going to? Pah! Someone get her a Pumpkin Spiced Latte and a sequined bobble hat before she infects us all with her Scrooging!
However, by focusing on connection- meaningful connection- we can avoid the relentless number of voices that will be telling us a) that we should be doing all the things and b) the right way to do all the things. The most meaningful human connection is the one we have with ourselves. So, if you are consciously a fully-signed up member of the ‘cover me in tinsel and call me Mariah’ crew from the 1st of November, then I salute you. If you would rather opt out of the sheer madness of being told that you are the worst because you didn’t make a ‘Boo Box’ for your dog and will not be wrapping your kids in Xmas Eve pjs to open their Xmas Eve present box because somehow they are unable to cope with waiting another 12 hours for the actual day* then high five my friend! I am not here to cast judgement on how you spend your time and your money (seriously- I’m not, it’s just my face. I’ve got new reading glasses…).
What I am encouraging you to do, as we enter into a period that can be as overwhelming as it can be fun, it to do it on your terms. To sit with your head and your heart and connect to yourself (and to others) in a way that feels meaningful to you. When you do this, you become more open, honest and authentic in your connections with other people, which in turn makes for a very jolly holly season.
Whether that involves Now That’s What I Call Christmas! on repeat and a fistful of Quality Street at half hour intervals from now until New Year’s or leisurewear, Zoom calling your mum, and rewatching Rivals for the sixth time with a bottle of Dom Perignon, as long as your head and your heart are happy, then you are complete.
*UK specific- I am aware that for some countries Xmas Eve is the main event
Resting Bronte Face Recommends:
Howards End by EM Forster
Rivals by Jilly Cooper
If you MUST start feeling festive before Dec 1st, then it is mandatory that you listen to the best Xmas song that has ever existed ever by Kate Bush. I will not be taking questions on this.